I cried at the gym today.

Now, I’m laughing as I write this because I am at the risk of painting a pretty bleak picture of gym life. Apparently I only feel the urge to write about the gym after struggling. I’ve had many happy gym days too!

But I’m writing about it because it is something very new for me, to be pushing myself physically to my limit. It has been an adventure, and something I am learning a lot from.

I was doing a Russian deadlift with the barbell. I finally am at the point where I actually put weight on it (I started with just the bar). I’m following a program, and the program gets progressively more difficult.

I’m on week five so I guess they’re not kidding around anymore and to start off today they asked me to do 5 sets of 11 repetitions of the Russian deadlift. Granted, the weight is manageable, but five sets?

I did the first set of 11 reps. Then I got on my knees and did my 10 pushups (….knee pushups).
11 more reps. Down on my knees, 10 knee pushups.
11 more reps. To my knees, 10 knee pushups.

As I started the fourth set, my eyes literally filled with tears.

I was just tired. My body just didn’t want to do it.

I can’t do this! This is way too hard!

My eyes were filled with tears as I squatted and lifted the big bar. Even in the moment I saw the humor in my emotions, but I just couldn’t stop wanting to cry right then. I was already feeling tired and grumpy today before my workout, and now they were literally making me do 55 deadlifts.

(*To all the safety conscious people out there, don’t worry, it was well within my means and I wasn’t being a reckless lifter. I had good form and have been working up to this. It was a safe goal for myself, I was just mentally giving out.)

I made it through the fourth, and surprisingly the fifth was the easiest set. It was like my body was primed and adjusted to the effort.

But yay I made it through! The rest of the workout wasn’t that bad and I actually felt great once I was done and my emotions felt much better. I didn’t even feel grumpy nor tired anymore.

One of my biggest thoughts recently has been how sometimes we look at others and say “Gee, I would love to live their life. I would love to work that job. I would love to have that body. I would love to financially have the freedom to do that.”

But we don’t even know what it took them to get to that point. And frankly, we’re not willing to do it. Otherwise we’d be there too.

So I’m just writing this for the record. If one day I have the most killer, strong, beautiful body on the face of planet earth (or maybe just a high healthy level of fitness like I hope to achieve), mark my words. I got there because I cried at the gym. Because I went on the days it sucked, as well as the days it was fun. Because I did 55 Russian deadlifts in a row as I wondered if anyone was noticing me cry.

And may I respect the people who have done what I am not willing to do, and not complain about not having it.

As Gerald says, either choose it, or stop complaining. Because if you’re not willing to make the sacrifice, I don’t want to hear you complain about not having the reward.

So either get after it, or stop complaining.

I like that mindset.

Originally written around April 23, 2021 and it got lost in the drafts.